I wrote this a while back. I figured I would post it in time for the upcoming football season. This post is kind of lengthy. But in the long run you will be glad you read through the whole thing.
The majority of the people on my friends’ list are women. I know of a couple women who are TRUE football fans. So to the TRUE football fan this post probably won’t apply to you.
In saying that, realize that IF you are not a true football fan; this post IS FOR YOU. Don’t be ashamed because you don’t understand the reasoning behind men running all over a grassy, painted field wearing tights and plastic shoulder pads trying to get a hold of a funny shaped ball in front of seventy to ninety thousand screaming people. What I am going to do in this post is tell you of a couple of things that will make today up until the beginning of February much more pleasant for you.
If you have a man realize:
Between now and the beginning of February your man’s time will be occupied on some Thursday nights, all day and night on Sunday and on Monday nights. And realize there is NOTHING you can do about it. There are some huge ramifications if you try to distort the schedule.
If you tell him to do something (i.e. clean, cook, take out the garbage, walk the dog etc.) while the football game is on and he actually does it, don’t brag to your girlfriends about how you’ve got a ‘good man’. In reality, you have a ‘pissed off’ man who will do everything he possibly can to get out of the house and go somewhere to watch football in peace. Such as at his ‘boy’s house’ or at a sports bar. So don’t throw a hissy fit when he decides (on those days I pointed out earlier) to not be around the house. Blame yourself as to why he isn’t there. Because your man is pissed.
Non-football fan women there is a solution to getting the things you want from your man during the football season.
You remember that furniture set or something that you have been dying to get for a long time but your man said ‘later’ or ‘hell naw’?? Right at about Week 4 of the football season is the time to ask him about it again. You have to catch him during the third or fourth quarter of the game. Because that is when a man’s concentration on the football game is at its highest. Don’t make it a drawn out process. Just ask him a quick question and 9 times out of 10 he will say ‘uh huh’ or just wave his hand at you. Take advantage of it. If you make it a long drawn out process refer back to the paragraph about the sports bar and his boy’s house. Blame yourself as to why he isn’t there. Because your man is pissed.
Don’t think that halftime of a football game is going to be the time you are going to get the quick household chores done by him. Halftime is restroom break, refill on snacks and beer, and watching what is going on with other teams around the league. If you think you can get him to do anything during that time refer back to the paragraph about the sports bar and his boy’s house. Blame yourself as to why he isn’t there. Because your man is pissed.
Another thing, don’t think you can prance in front of the television with your sexiest outfit or butt-naked. Sex WILL NOT persuade your man into doing things for you during the football game. In fact, it will annoy the hell out of him. If you try to bribe him with sex and he obliges, don’t brag to your girlfriends about how you ‘got some’ while he was watching football. Because it is almost a guarantee he will not be home the next week or any week thereafter. Refer back to the paragraph about the sports bar and his boy’s house. Blame yourself as to why he isn’t there. Because your man is pissed.
If you decide to get brave and watch the game with your man, DO NOT… under… any… circumstances, ask him about anything that is going on with the game. Such as rules and regulations, why did something happen, what is a first down, what is a touchdown, etc. Your man is an impatient creature during this time of year. He is going to assume you know all of this stuff. The only thing you need to ask him is the score. And that should happen only when you first sit down because he is going to expect for you to follow along. If you expect your man to teach you about some aspects of the game and he does, don’t go bragging to your girlfriends about how you got a ‘good man’ and he taught you about football. Because next week and the week thereafter he will not be at home. Refer back to the paragraph about the sports bar and his boy’s house. Blame yourself as to why he isn’t there. Because your man is pissed.
Speaking of the sports bar, single ladies I did not forget about you. Even if you are not a football fan, the most opportune time to meet a man (on the days I pointed out earlier) is at the sports bar. Because he is there for one of two reasons; either he is single and did not want to watch the football game at his ‘boy’s house’ or by himself. Or two, he has a nagging woman at home who wants him to take out the trash, walk the dog, cook, try to have sex, etc. during the football game. If you have Man #2 sitting in front of you, realize that he is pissed at his woman but will probably give you a shot because his woman didn’t follow the rules. So, single ladies, you are in a win-win situation.
The sports bar atmosphere is full of cigarette smoke, beer and chicken wings. Ladies, do not be alarmed. This is an atmosphere where men can function normally. Do not do anything that will disturb this atmosphere. Sit through it. Because, guaranteed, if you meet a man in this type of atmosphere he will give you a lot of play. He will be amazed that you can sit through watching twelve televisions at once playing different football games, eating pretzels and drinking beer. You are almost guaranteed of getting lucky. DO NOT wear anything provocative such as short mini-skirts or low cut shirts that show off your cleavage. If a man sees you wearing those things he will know without a shadow of a doubt you are there to pick up a man. And he will treat you as such. Blue jeans will do just fine. And unless you are a TRUE football fan, don’t wear a jersey or a sweatshirt of a football team. A man will call you on it and ask you about certain players on the team. And if you are exposed he will treat you accordingly and will clown you. More than likely, after he has sex with you.
If you meet a man at a sports bar and you are not a TRUE football fan. Don’t act like you are. A man can detect it immediately. Don’t be slick. The good thing is if you meet a man at a sports bar he will have the ultimate respect for you because you had the balls to be in that type atmosphere.
To the women in relationships: Think about it… your man is at home watching football. He isn’t out in the streets doing this and that. Stop being spoiled and wanting ‘quality time’. You will not have a relationship if you complain about ‘quality time’ during the football season. THERE IS NO COMPROMISING!! Because if you try to compromise with your man refer back to the paragraph about the sports bar and his boy’s house. Blame yourself because your relationship didn’t work because you wanted to…COMPROMISE! Don’t think you can talk about your man to your girlfriends because he decided to leave you for a woman he met at the sports bar. And don’t clown the woman he met at that sports bar. Remember he wouldn’t have been there if you followed the rules.
And finally, to the single women: When you pick up that guy at the sports bar and start having a relationship with him, follow the rules. And you will be able to keep your man. Or else he will end up BACK at the sports bar picking up a woman just like you.
**sigh**
The best advice I can give if you are not a TRUE football fan is learn the game. Because any man will tell you… a woman who knows football is NIRVANA and she is #1 priority over a Playboy model every day INCLUDING Sundays.
I know I didn’t cover everything. But this should cover the basics. It would be a good idea to put this blog in your blast to warn other women as to what is about to happen from now until the beginning of February. This is a good starters’ ‘Survival Guide’. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
