I recently had this issue with a man that was my best friend. He refused to admit that he did anything wrong in our relationship and because he cannot apologize and say “you know what I can see what you are saying”, he told me “fuck you”. People who have a hard time admitting their faults will always have issues maintaining friendships and relationships. If I make mistakes I own up to them, because I will learn from those mistakes and know that if something happens like this situation again then I will know how to handle it.

I wish I can change what happened between me and my friend, but it happens. I have no hard feelings and I will wish the best in his future. Hopefully in the future when his anger is gone he will see it from a different side. But if that never happens, it will be sad for him.

Life is about living and growing and if you can not see what your strengths are and your weaknesses than you will always end up being the same person and not learning. I am learning every day. Who I am and what I am capable of. I hope I will continue to learn and work on the things I know I need to work on. I just wish everyone was the same way.

Don’t you hate it when you ask dude to do something because you can’t do it yourself—then 3 weeks later you have to ask again?  And 3 days later, you have to ask again?  Then 5 days later, you have to ask again? Then…

If I have to roll my eyes one more time because I am hearing my husband say, “Oh, you should have reminded me,” I am afraid they’ll just pop out and find a new home.

Guys, while not dogs or puppies, have similar tendencies to these beloved pets (and I’m not referring to hitting from the back or chasing cat or any of those other euphemisms that have become synonymous with dogs).  No, guys are like our favorite furries because they are easily distracted—especially when it involves something they don’t want to do or don’t feel is important.

If you are in a serious relationship or marriage, the most infuriating thing ever is to have to ask repeatedly for your guy to do something that you need done: fixing drains, hooking up plumbing, building a shelf, etc, etc.  Now, you could be like me on a regular day and just figure it out for yourself (I am pretty darn handy with a tool box, ya heard?), but I understand—you have other stuff that needs to be done and he’s holding up all your processes as well as your ability to think straight.  What do you do to get him to do what you need him to do?

Get another man involved.

Guys hate to be one upped by other guys—especially by guys they know.  It makes them look bad.  My husband is not a handy man.  He avoids hard work like the bubonic plague.  But if I call one of his cousins to come help me, he will suddenly be Mr. Me Too.  But please don’t do the mostest, ladies—I’m talking family or one of his trusted boys, not that dude down the street that you have a crush on.

Hire a professional or seek professional assistance.

Home Depot is my new SPOT.  They will show you how to do anything.  Hell, I feel like I could build a house from scratch.  Also, I always find good leads to great professionals who are cost effective and efficient.  If you aren’t comfortable with my bold Home Depot swag, at least sign up for Angie’s List or call your local BBB office or Chamber of Commerce.  Stop wasting time tripping on what your man won’t do and just get it done.  He might actually be appreciative cause he doesn’t have time or can’t do the job.

There’s deliverance in the PRAISE.

Okay, so if you’re one of those girls who wants her man to do it because she wants HIM to do it, you will not get it done by nagging and complaining.  You must try the circular approach.  Every time your man does something for you compliment the HELL out of him.  I mean, if brought your groceries in “like a pimp”, act like he brought you diamonds and pearls.  If he loaded the dishwasher (even if he did it wrong-and hell yes there IS a wrong way to load the dishwasher), then act like he did the best job ever done washing dishes.  Guys love admiration.  They love praise.  They love being your hero.  So the more you make him feel like a hero, the more he’ll want to do for you.

So that’s it!  Git ta gittin’!  And if all else fails, I’ll come build the shelf for you!

We married Saturday, May 16, 1998. In 1999, Chris began having unusual symptoms. I would pick him up from work for lunch, and he would go into a panic as soon as he got in the car. He was having shortness of breath and could not sit still. He went to the doctor and was initially thought to be having panic attacks, so they prescribed Paxil (I think it was Paxil, or something like that). He took it for a while, but continued to have the episodes. His doctor felt something wasn’t right, so she sent him to a cardiologist, who ran several tests on him. I’ll never forget, the doctor returned with the results, and when he entered the room, he was so somber. He told my husband, “How is it you are still alive?” He gave the diagnosis: Congestive Heart Failure. Chris, at 5″10″, had gained quite a bit of weight; he’d gotten up to 345 pounds. His heart was enlarged, and only a small portion of it (I believe it was 25%) was working properly. In essence, he was at death’s door.

Fast forward to 2005. We had moved to Huntsville, Alabama in 2004 so he could attend Oakwood College (now Oakwood University) and obtain his Bachelor of Divinity degree. In 2005, he was hospitalized with what appeared to be severe bronchitis, with some heart related issues. Between 2005 and 2010, he would be hospitalized 3 or 4 times, each time presenting with shortness of breath and fluid in the lungs, and the symptoms were so severe.

Fast forward again to 2011. He had come home to Greenville, MS to stay (the kids and I had come back earlier; he remained to continue working until his contract ended). He located a doctor and began to prepare to get his health together. Chris saw this doctor on October 31, 2011, and told her, “I have to get healthy. Dying is not an option.”

Thursday, November 17, 2011: 9:00 a.m. – Chris goes with his grandmother to her doctor’s appointment. Approximately 5 or 6 p.m. – He goes to the ER with her because she’s having some issues. He returns home around 8 p.m., has a snack, talks with us for a bit, then takes a shower and goes to bed.

Friday, November 18, 2011: Approximately 12:30 a.m. – he wakes up in a panic; he can’t breathe, he is filled with chest congestion. We attempt a breathing treatment (which usually helps clear his lungs); the machine does not work. I dress him, throw on a coat and my sneakers (I’m in my pj’s), and prepare to drive him to ER (we live right around the corner from the hospital). In the midst of dressing and starting the car, he begins regurgitating this frothy substance. He’s still able to talk, and begins praying to God to spare him, his family needs him. We jump in the car (which is covered in a thin layer of ice from a sharp drop in the temperature; I can’t see a thing and I’m driving like Danica Patrick) and race to the ER. I pull up on the ambulance ramp, honking the horn like a crazy person. Attendants rush out and rush him into Trauma 1. After moving the car, they have me to wait in the family room. I know he’s going to be okay.

About half an hour later, the doctor finally comes in, along with a nurse and two security guards. He begins explaining to me how they inserted tubes to clear his lungs, injected meds to get his heart going, the whole nine. Chris lost consciousness in the midst of all this. The last thing I hear the doctor say is, “Mr. Corbin expired…” I barely hear his “I’m so sorry”. I can’t comprehend it. I’m crying, screaming, can’t breathe… the love of my life, is gone.

Chris passed away at approximately 1:30 a.m. from a pulmonary embolism; his heart, weakened and damaged from nearly 13 years of Congestive Heart Failure, could not pump off the fluid that filled his lungs as a result of the blood clot that traveled up from his legs and caused a blockage. They let us see him after they cleaned him up; he lay there, still, looking so peaceful. A beautiful soul, gone, at age 36.

Christopher Jamaine Corbin Sr.
October 29, 1975 – November 18, 2011

Imagining and wishing that she was between my thighs and not him. Her bronze colored skin caressing my body, her long red colored dread locks tickling my skin as she’s kissing my inner thighs, and her grey eyes giving me looks of passion.

As he’s thrusting in and out of me, I’m fantasizing that her tongue is slowly devouring my sweet spot. As he thrusts faster, I see myself grabbing her head as she buries her face deeper into my sweetness tasting every drop. He’s beginning to climax and I wrap my legs around his thighs and fantasizing it’s her face. We both climax, and afterwards he kisses me gently on my lips. We lay there breathless. I try to hide my smile as I think about her.

I can’t get rid of these rainbow dreams…

Okay, Ladies, calm your hormones a tad when you see a woman talking to your guy! Not every woman wants your guy!! Just because you see me or another woman talking to him means nothing, unless you see her rubbing up on him, don’t be so quick to think they are interested. I have had so many women get jealous over me talking to some guy who I have no interest in, even if I had sex with him before doesn’t mean I want round two.

I am not a jealous girl by nature, so I laugh at women with the dirty looks just because I am talking to a guy. He may be “yours” BUT I am allowed to speak to him and he is allowed to speak to me! Don’t get all crazy and jealous because that look is not attractive and you will inevitably look like a fool to your man and to the girl. But if you have a legitimate claim and I mean you see her rubbing up on him or kissing them (it has to be clear! Not your foggy jealous brain either!) then by all means go get them! But be sure who you are coming up against because it may not be worth it. There are some crazy ass girls out there and a black eye isn’t a good look!

I have this ex and I wouldn’t even call him an ex let’s call him a mistake and his girlfriend is extremely jealous so if I see them in the bar or club he has to coddle her just because I was with him two times (and it wasn’t that good to begin with!) so I am definitely not wanting to go back to the guy who could barely get it up! So by all means sweetie keep him! I don’t want him and you are doing the world a favor keeping him so no one else has to deal with Erectile Dysfunction!

So, to the others and yes you know who you are, if you see your man speaking to a girl please just let it go! It will only piss you off to think about it and cause strife in your relationship because you are proving right then and there you don’t trust him!

If you don’t trust him why are you with him!?

This plays out in our household so much more now that I’m at home full time. As my husband spends the bulk of his time away from home (working, dealing in “manly” things, checking in with his crazy friends and taking care of his older children), he has found himself more discombobulated when he enters into our home.

The kids have a schedule. I have a schedule. We don’t vary too much from this schedule. I’m an educator, so I know the importance of consistency—especially in such a transient household like ours, where we move every 7 months on average.. When Bill comes home and says okay let’s do A, I come back with—sorry, we already have B planned due to C, D, and E. I think he has come to hate the natural desire for order in me.

The other day, we had a very aggressive conversation about our relationship. In the middle of these strong words, he hit below the belt.

“And I don’t know what this new controlling ministry is that you have going on, but you need to stop. You have [our oldest daughter] all nervous. She doesn’t know whether to come or go!”

It hurt. But I am practicing something we real Christians call “temperance” and what everybody else calls self control. Rather than get with him, I took a deep breath… and then I apologized.

Then I determined in my spirit that I would show him EXACTLY what my “control” bought him every day. And I stopped “controlling”.

I cannot describe the level of exasperation my loving husband experienced for the next couple of weeks as I remained in the bed, eating snacks and watching T.V. The kids ate noodles and cereal for dinner; he ate whatever he could put his hands on. When the kids got in the tub, I did not bother to get them out—and as their yelling and splashing escalated, I watched his blood pressure go up (his office is across from their bathroom). When it was time for bed, as long as the girls were in their room, I was cool. I let him strain himself yelling and fighting them into bed. Time for school? I didn’t even get up—I directed everything from the comfort of my king size. Oh, and did I mention that house began to look like hoarders lived there?

So when I finally got up from my bed of affliction, my darling husband had a new attitude (trying to find clean drawers will do that to you). And I did what I do best: got everything under control.

Everyone has that one friend that you would jump through hoops to help. What happens when that friend becomes jealous and envious of you?

They’re single, you’re not.
You have a great job and they are robbing Peter to pay Paul just to make ends meet.

You love your friend regardless of marital and financial status. You try not to share your joy too much with your pal because you sense a little envy. To relieve some of the sometimes uncomfortable convo’s, allow your friend to vent occasionally about their issues.

Help set them up on speed dates and other dating sites. Express to your friend that it’s okay to have financial burdens and not to be embarrassed.  Set up a plan of action with your friend to help them get out of debt. Ensure them if they continue to put a little change aside into a rainy day fund that eventually they will have the same financial freedom as you do.

Don’t give up on your friends. Always communicate your feelings.

Communication is key to any relationship.

The conversation that followed was very interesting and a learning experience. Apparently, some believe that there are different levels of singlehood:

1) Single with no prospects and not actively searching for dating prospects,
2) Single and actively looking for dating prospects and actually dating,
3) Single, but it’s complicated and
4) Single and attached, but not living together.

Then there is the “gray” area where you are neither single nor married:

1) being a couple and living together and
2) being engaged.

I listened to all of this and I held my tongue while Miss Almost Engaged spoke. As I was listening I chuckled to myself because I was in awe of the denial of being single. Normally, I would have let one of my other friends take over and address her points, but I needed to speak. The first up was single and no prospects. I informed her that many choose not to date for a myriad of reasons. Some being time, a recent breakup, deciding on quality instead of quantity and taking time to develop a personal relationship with self. Second, those who are actively dating and letting it be known that they are looking have made a decision that they are open to the idea of opening themselves to another person and the possibility of shared intimacy. Third, that those who are single, but have an it’s complicated relationship need to define how much and how long they will put up with it being complicated. Fourth, single and attached is simply being a couple. And finally, there is no “gray” area between being single and married.

The honest truth is either you’re single or married. There are no levels of being single. The government only acknowledges five filing statuses: Single, Married Filing Jointly, Married Filing Separately, Head of Household and Qualifying Widow(er) with Dependent Child. There is no Single, but Complicated, In a Couple, Almost Engaged, Engaged, Living Together Filing Jointly, or Living Together Filing Separately.  The titles used to indicate you’re in a relationship are great, however, if you’re not in a married state YOU ARE SINGLE. Accept it. Embrace it.

So often we proclaim being single is an act of independence because we refuse to be bound to any one person. Other times we proclaim that we’re not complete being single because we haven’t found our other half. Being single isn’t the problem. The attitude towards being single is the problem. Regardless of your relationship status learn to be comfortable in your relationship skin.

*Side note*  Miss Almost Engaged was mad at me for a few days, but she saw my point when her almost intended informed her she was in a relationship, but he wasn’t. Humph… then she realized she had been in an it’s complicated relationship when he became a father two months later.  All I can say is cultivate the relationship with yourself before embarking on one with another human being.

Having this problem may open the door to for the individual feeling neglected to seek fulfillment elsewhere. Men as well as women in relationships may sometimes need someone to lend an ear; you know just listen. Preferably that someone is their mate.