This message is addressed to the men even though women can definitely benefit from this advice. I’ve learned that men deal with break-ups a little bit differently than women do. Men have an image they must portray because the last thing they want is to seem like a weak person when they break up with a woman. The reality is they go through some of the same emotions women do.
How can a man go through a break up and what are some of the steps to healing? Is there a way of getting back with her?
The easy answer to give to you is what men tell other men to do all of the time. Get over it, Bro. Go out and get you a woman, bone her up real good and you’ll be alright.
The equivalent to:
Here, take a couple of aspirins and call me in the morning.
I’m not going to go that route.
There is always a remote possibility of you getting back with your ex. Does it exists in your situation? Can beliefs be changed? Yes. Can you change them? Only if you change you and that wouldn’t be advised in this situation. Being rejected is a horrible feeling. She is not rejecting YOU the person. She is rejecting the IDEA of being in a relationship with you.
Notice the emphasis on YOU and IDEA.
This is where you can start your healing process.
First things first. If you are a part of her social networking realm delete yourself from her circle. The last thing you need is constant updates as to what she is doing with her life because it doesn’t involve you. Second, what are the things you used to do before you got involved with her? In order to get over someone in your life you need to have a different routine because the routine you had with her probably involved quite a few things. There is no need for a reminder of those things. Third, you need to invest in yourself. Buy a couple of self-help books in regards to break-ups, buy a gym membership whatever it is you like to do. DON’T do the routine of going to work and coming home and giving yourself idle time.
This process is not going to happen overnight. It’s going to take patience.
STOP CONTACTING HER!!
One thing a person can’t stand is a bug-a-boo. Telling her how much you love her and how much of a good man you are going to be to her isn’t going to help. Remember, she rejected the IDEA of being with you. So, anything you say at this point is only going to annoy her and drive her away.
People assume that men don’t go through a range of emotions when they break up with someone. That’s a false statement. It’s said a man should “man up” and get over it. Most men do… by moving on to the next one quickly. Some single women wonder why they get a man who is emotionless and can’t say what they feel? They are afraid to do so. Why? Because of situations like these where they open themselves to a woman and they get rejected.
The one thing that women have over men is a “support group”. When women go through a break-up they have their girlfriends having a round table discussion about the man who broke their heart. They have their family who try to console her so she could have less pain. Men don’t have that kind of support because it is ‘perceived’ that a man should be strong and handle anything and not show feelings.
It starts at an early age.
When Junior falls down and skins his knee his parents tell him to get up, stop crying and hand him a band-aid. When Susie falls down she is bawling, crying and most of the time the parents are crying along with them. Susie gets consoled, held, gets a tissue so their parents can wipe the tears from her eyes. They carefully spread on the Neosporin as so it doesn’t hurt. Susie is asked constantly, “Are you okay? Are you still hurt.” and looking on is Junior wondering why he didn’t get that same treatment.
So why am I saying all of this?
It’s okay to cry.
Men have tear ducts and they are rarely used. I know, I know you were told to “man up” in situations like these but your tears will cleanse you. You won’t have those emotions bottled up inside of you and you will be able to purge yourself from whatever you are dealing with. Hurt and pain is an emotion we have to deal with all of the time. When men learn how to deal with emotions and not do the same thing over and over again hoping to find a different result (the definition of insanity), relationships will start getting healthier and happier. When you meet that next woman you are not carrying the baggage of the last woman that hurt you. You are able to express yourself and it will be with a woman who appreciates you for who you are.
She will want to be with YOU and she will love that IDEA of being with you.
I am not counting out the idea of getting back with your ex but answer this question:
Do you really want to get back with a woman who rejected the idea of being with you?
It all starts with you.
Be well…
